Here Comes a Thought

Society paints a pretty detailed picture of how every person should be, and mental health doesn't escape that illustration. There's a stigma surrounding anxiety and depression, that the people living with anxiety and depression are weak. If they were strong willed they wouldn't be suffering.
Much like when someone suffering from anorexia is told to just eat, someone with anxiety may be told to just stop overthinking.
However, the reality is that we have no control over the way we feel or think.
It's not that I necessarily believe there's something to be afraid of or worry about, but just the thought or possibility is overwhelmingly frightening.
Living with any type of condition opens your eyes to things that may be easy to understand specifically because of your condition.
After going through so many panic attacks and feeling like the world is at it's end.
It's easy to understand just how strong the mind is. If my mind can have such a sudden and intense negative effect on the way I feel. If my mind can make my body physically react to something that isn't real and completely wreck my day.
Don't you think my mind can do the opposite?
What if my mind suddenly and intensely had a positive effect on the way I feel. What if my mind made my body physically react to something positively and make my day amazing.
It seems incredibly possible. Just the thought or possibility is overwhelmingly beautiful.

Strong in the Real Way

              Everyone is strong in their own "real way", push aside the idea of strength meaning a big bulky man who goes to the gym every day and drinks protein shakes. What does being strong really mean to you? We all experience life differently what we see as strengths and weaknesses are dependent on how we view the world and the adversities that you personally understand. My sex is female, and because of this I fall under the ever popular statistic that women are Twice as Likely to be diagnosed with anxiety and depression in comparison to men. I swallow the reality that is anxiety every morning as I would a daily vitamin. Having anxiety is not fun. I try to put it into words every day so that I can achieve a way of clearly explaining what it feels like to people who care for me. Today I described it as my mind being a room with a glass window. In the room I'm having normal thoughts like "what will I have for lunch today?" or "This puppy on twitter is so cute". However, behind the glass window are lots of scary "what if" thoughts about things that frighten me. I'm taking in the thoughts because I can see them through the window but they're not really having an effect on me because I'm much more concerned about other things such as cute puppies on twitter. Sometimes, almost like a tragic accident the window breaks and all of these negative thoughts flood the room that is my mind and I have a panic attack. It happens, it's not the end of the world even though it feels like it is every single time. Living with anxiety is enjoying the time you have when the window is in tact but understanding it will break eventually, suffering the damage of when it breaks and sweeping up the broken glass, fixing the window and starting all over again. It's definitely awful. But for me, it's life. I possibly lived the majority of my life not knowing I had anxiety, but I did and I simply thought it was normal. When I was told that I had anxiety it inflamed the hardship I already went through. On top of constantly being afraid I was told by a medical professional that I wasn't normal. Yikes. Not something you want to hear from someone with 8 plus years of education. Luckily, I am now at a place where I have accepted my anxiety as a part of me. Being me is great. I still struggle with getting a handle on things that trigger me but I'm getting there. There's a lot of beauty in the way our mind works. My mind worries a lot more than a normal person, and that's okay. Having anxiety is not romantic. I am not in any way trying to romanticize it. I am only trying to accept myself and love myself despite the fact that I may think a little differently than most people. I hope that through my entries I can not only strengthen my new found love and acceptance for myself but also help others struggling with anxiety and depression do the same. So that everyone can figure what being strong in the real way means to them.