Mario's Party

Anxiety usually doesn't show itself in the people it effects clearly. However, when it does show itself it's sometimes in funny ways. This weekend during a heated game of Mario Party 4, I couldn't seem to help my boyfriend, Jacob, beat the 2 vs. 2 mini game "Revers-a-Bomb".  "Bob-ombs" which are ticking time bombs with cute little faces are placed in the middle of the playing field and are let loose in different directions. The object of the game is to click the light up buttons to send the "Bob-ombs" in the rival team's direction. Only 10 "Bob-ombs" are allowed to blow up on your side before you're out of the game, in the time span of 20 seconds. Playing this was difficult for me, "Bob-ombs" kept blowing up on my team's side constantly. How could this be when I was only in charge of 3 buttons? It was tiring watching Jacob diverge the "Bob-ombs" effortlessly. 

After a few failures I decided to ask Jacob how he was possibly dodging the "Bob-ombs" so quickly.

He thought for a moment and asked, "Are you staring at the 'Bob-ombs' and then distinctly moving to a button and then pressing it?" 

"Of course I am! How else would I do it?" I asked in response. He goes on to tell me that, he isn't actually thinking about what he's doing. He's simply moving his joystick up and down and pressing the A button repeatedly. Upon trying Jacob's method, we beat the game with zero "Bob-ombs" touching our side of the playing field. I was surprised, shocked even at how simple the game was in actuality.

Jacob and I sat down to think about what had just happened. We realized that the way I initially played "Revers-a-Bomb" illustrated how I take life on. Carefully, precisely and planned. Which didn't seem to let me catch a break under the 20 second time limit. I realized that being overly careful because of my anxiety might have taken away from the limited time I have in my life. That even though it doesn't seem well planned that sometimes going into things mildly blinded could be better than being too careful. 

Of course this is just a Mario Party mini game but it made sense to me and what I am going through. 

It's interesting how people not struggling with anxiety or depression try to explain to actual people suffering from anxiety and depression that they need to open their eyes to what they're missing. The information always goes in one ear and out the other ear. That's okay and it shouldn't frustrate people suffering from anxiety and depression that they can't seem to grasp a hold on the meaning of what other people are attempting to point out. There's also no reason to search hard for an understanding. One day in a strange way, like while playing Mario Party, you'll realize what everyone has been trying to tell you all along. That's freeing.

"Revers-a-Bomb" mariowiki.com

Sigh-FYI

Disassociation is a huge part of living with anxiety. It's possibly the scariest part of anxiety and the toughest portion to overcome.
Derealization is a portion of disassociation in which you feel like the world isn't real and you're watching a movie. It's almost like a Twilight Zone episode where you think you're in a real town but in the end you're actually on a movie set. It feels like you're positive the world is fake and the colors and images are about to melt away to show what's really there. Which of course never happens. When the derealization feeling comes about it's common to try to focus on one thing and not look around, which causes for much more of a panic and disconnect. Usually when I feel like this, I step outside and get a really good look at everything around me. A 360 view of where I am will snap me out and reveal that everything is real and touchable.
Depersonalization is another portion of disassociation in which you feel that you're not in touch with your body or like you're a passenger in the car that is your life. For myself, this happens to me while I am having panic attacks. It's as if part of me is looking at myself and thinking "Really? What're you panicking about, there's literally nothing going on." While the other more powerful part of me is having the actual attack. It's hard. Especially, when there's people as sensible as your later self telling you, "Tell yourself everything is fine." When I'm like, "Thanks. FYI, Half of me already knows that. I just need the other half to cooperate."
It sounds scary, and it is. However, it's also kind of interesting. You have to ask yourself sometimes, "How do people come up with this stuff?" when you watch psychological thrilling TV shows or movies. I bet your bottom dollar that someone has probably really experienced it. The upside to disassociation if any, would probably be the creative and unique perspective you suddenly have on life, that almost seems Sci-fi to everyone else.